|| through it all, i became.

Who am I?

Am I all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer -

Life is but a stage and my seventeen years of existence is no exception to Shakespeare's undying line. This so-called 'life' of mine is brimming with buckets of drama, albums of comedia, mountains of despair and joy then spiced up by dreams and aspirations that are mixed into a magic cauldron and I, Kathryn Anne Senson Hilario, came into being. This is my play, my own stage drama. Sit back now, the curtains are parting. *drum roll plus lights, curtains part*

I’ve always been an achiever, a consistent honor student of St. James Academy in Malabon City since first grade. I don’t know if my birth date had any relation with my achievements. Like Gat Jose Rizal, Philippine’s national hero, I was also born on the 19th of June, but in the year 1992. This 'coincidence' actually made me believe that I, too, was destined to do great things and that, someday, I'll be a heroine.

We’ve been residents of Navotas ever since and has been part of a community known for its abundant fish industry and delectable fish sauce. We live in a neighborhood where most people don’t have dreams or goals in mind and are satisfied by being merely by-standers who stare blankly in space all day long. However, there were still some who work hard in order to afford living decent lives. I was convinced that I’ll never dream being like those by-standers.

With regards to my family, I have two brothers named Kyle Odarbil (my older brother) and Klint Isaiah (the family’s bunso). I am the middle child and ‘only girl’ of my parents Librado and Ma. Victoria S. Hilario who went separate ways for inevitable reasons when I was just an innocent little girl at age seven. Since then, my siblings and I were raised by my mother alone. Having a broken family at that age was something one wouldn't dream of having. Just imagine an instance when your teacher asks you to bring a family photo where a father and a mother are present. You, having separated parents, fail to do so. "Why is my family different from theirs?" I used to ask myself. But then I realized that perhaps they're separation was for the best. An incomplete family would be more tolerable than having both your parents in the same roof though it’s clear that they weren’t the same couple who were disgustingly in love like the day they had their first date. Besides, if my parents' story was far from dreamy, it doesn't mean that mine would be too.

That separation molded me into becoming one if the 'school nerds'. For me, studying was some kind of outlet wherein I could exhaust my efforts onto something instead of mourning for having a broken family and its effects (My mother was always at work so she could earn money to support my brothers and me. Because of this, she is often absent in attending school affairs and the like). Maybe it's one of the reasons why I ended up enjoying studying and school. It's typical for me to earn a grade average ranging from 95 to 97 every year; medals and awards were my collection. It made me happy to receive such awards because I made my mother proud and happy by doing so. My elementary days ended being one of my batch's salutatorians.

My childhood dreams, you ask? Aside from the usual dreams of becoming a superhero with magical powers who saves the world 24/7, I really didn't have any. I've thought of becoming a teacher once or twice, but when nurses turned out to be in demand at that time, my mother urged me to take up nursing in college. I didn't agree nor disagree with her; I just stayed put as I entered high school. You could say that I was traveling without any specific destination in mind. This is why I wasn’t completely contented with my life.

It was in high school when I actually learned that there's more to life than how I live it, that there's more to books and cleverness. I joined the Student Coordinating Council (SCC) on my sophomore year, just for the experience. Our moderator back then was Mr. Reynaldo Moreno (we're fond of calling him 'Manong Rey'), famous for being a leftist and nationalist. He was one of the people I met in high school who had broadened my horizons by introducing me to our society.

One of the most influential things that have happened in my stay in SCC was one of our programs called 'Alay Puso, Pamaskong Handog' - a Christmas fund drive. We actually had this one in elementary as well, but it was only during this time that I learned to appreciate it. Being part of the SCC, we were the ones tasked to pack and distribute the accumulated donations from the students to our less fortunate brothers in Malabon City. This program gave me the chance to get a glimpse of the ugly face of poverty and oppression. I still remember that time with piercing clarity. We went to some of the depressed areas in the city. These ‘depressed areas’ are the places where you cross bamboo poles to get to the other side and other houses, where with one wrong step, you'll swim in the icky stuff below. Because of that project, I discovered what I really wanted. I decided that I wanted to extend help to the less fortunate. I found myself eager to extend a hand to anyone in need. From that day forward, I pictured myself a social worker or a volunteer to various organizations who helped alleviate the poor’s state of living. These words of Kahlil Gibran in his work entitled ‘On Giving’ now echo on my head: "There are those who give and know not in pain in giving, nor do they seek joy nor give with mindfulness of virtue. They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space. Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes he smiles upon the earth." The council has taught me this.

My horizons expanded more on my senior year. It is in my final year in high school that I discovered things that I can do, things that I want to do, and talents repressed for the past years. Writing, for instance; I rediscovered my passion for words. I was often chosen to compete in various writing contests and won some of them. I was happy to win, but even happier to rediscover something I loved doing. In addition, I was also chosen to be one of the school’s representatives to our city’s ‘Boys and Girls’ Week Celebration’ wherein we actually take office in the city government.

With all the lessons, experiences and collected memories, I graduated from high school being one of the honor students and was awarded with other recognitions. After making through the torture named UPCAT, I now study in the University of the Philippines, my dream school.

This is how this society where I belong to shaped me. With inevitable circumstances and challenges it presented me, I became who I am today. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had this view in life if my parents haven’t separated or failed to be a part of the high school student council. As how it can be observed to everything that has been said, family and school are the two institutions that have been most influential in forming me into what I am today.

I’m positive that I’d encounter more tangled ravines of roads from now on and be continuously shaped and molded by the society I belong. I, in return, would still continue shaping this society into the society I would want it to become.

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